Fight against myself.

Just a month away from making a decision that'll most probably change my life.. Either I'll make it the way I had always dreamt about....or I'll make it my worst nightmare come true. The most important factor being my guy...or rather the guy I have taken to be as my guy...the one on to whom I've happily sacrificed more or less everything, is not helping me or supporting me. He....just like my father is around 24*7...but is suddenly missing when he is needed the most. I have been left alone to make a choice and upon this choice will the rest of my life depend. Although there is another major factor which will be mandatory....but still...I'm preparing myself for it. I was pondering over this for a long time now...that is it because of my whining and pining that I end up making the wrong choices ? Maybe yes. Why I am so sensitive towards some things in life...I'm still struggling to find the answers.
My mom says that when in distress...listen to what your mind has to say...don't listen to your heart. Heart will always see the short-term....but your mind will always analyze the present and the future. I don't say it is difficult...but yes...it is not easy also. I ask myself sometimes...Will I be able to live in this stress all my life ???? Will I be able to live with someone who will refuse to accommodate space for me ??? Space for my dreams...for my choices...for my desires???????
With someone who will always be derogatory ??? Mind says ..''NO''....''get away from it...it'll marr your confidence and it won't let you bloom...'' .................. heart says...''stick around baby..love him so much..that one day you'll mould him in to your color."
Dealing with this war going inside you all the time is quite a task....especially when you are a light headed female who tends to loose her cool more than just often.
What will I do ???? Dragging on with something which practically is showing no probability of a future is futile...it is waste of time..energy and everything.
I ask you..... kiski sunu ?? dil ki...ya dimaag ki ??? dono ki baatei bahot convincing hai... dono apni jagah bilkul sahi hai...